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On June 1, 2018 Rebekah Henson published an important thread on Twitter critiquing the hashtags #FamiliesBelongTogether and #Ke...

Monday, June 20, 2011

Nothing At All

As those of you who follow my blog oncewasvon  know, things can get heavy over there and the topics that always bring the most lively comments are the primal wound and the breastfeeding of adoptees. I'm happy to say I won't be touching either of those areas on this shiny bright, new shared blog.
While all human beings are touched at some time by tragedy, sadness, loss and the joys of being human; adoptees live complicated lives with a very generous helping of those things that make us human. It's all about how we deal with them that determines what sort of human being.
We adoptees get double the deal with anything to do with family, unless we are a foundling, when we get nothing, sometimes a small scrap of material, a token, to connect us to our mother and another life we will never know or understand.
Reunion may bring us two extra families to make decisions about, try to blend with, to close the door on or to hunger for and extend our pain and be triggered by - the rejection, acceptance, fears, concerns.Whatever the outcome we have gained understanding and knowledge. I'd always rather know than not, if the opportunity is there.
Some of us are the victims of bad legislation and have no choices except to circumvent that which puts up a roadblock. These means seem more and more successful, although not without dangers and downsides.The recent case of the adoptee duped by a woman pretending to be her mother is heartbreaking and that someone would go to such elaborate lengths is tragic.
Apart from managing our complicated lives, coping with what triggers us, the stigmas and frustrations of adoption and combating the myths, we all have full lives, with families, study, work and 'normality' to deal with. In that, we seem to be highly successful, perhaps because being adopted makes the rest of life look like a piece of cake?

Barely Breathing

Amanda asked to hear more so here goes…

The night that we first started emailing was very odd.  I hadn’t told anyone yet about this mysterious woman…this woman who I now believed was my natural mother.  It was like I needed to have her to myself for a little while…plus, if I said the words, “She found me”, it would make it that much more real.  And I was hanging on to a thin thread of sanity at that point.

The next day I raced over to my best friend’s house with my laptop in hand.  She was the first person I told.   She cried after she read the first few emails, looked up at me, and cried even harder.    As we were sitting there, another email popped up.  The subject line said, “Pictures!”.

I opened up the email…breathless.  In the body of the email, my mother wrote that the picture was of my sister.  I clicked on the file and for a minute, I was completely confused.  How the hell did she get a photo of me?



Except It wasn’t me.  It was my flesh and blood sister.  I turned the computer towards my friend.  She gasped…then said, “Wait…is that a picture of you??  Where’s the one of your sister?”.

Yeah..it was THAT creepy.

For the first time in my life, I could see my eyes in the eyes of another. 

And then, another email.  “Me” was all it said.

Another breathless moment…it was her.  In all her tattooed, nose ringed glory..and she was beautiful.