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Adoption and Child Separation at the Border

On June 1, 2018 Rebekah Henson published an important thread on Twitter critiquing the hashtags #FamiliesBelongTogether and #Ke...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

NaBloPoMo Day 25: Understanding

Today's Prompt: How important is it to you that your friends and/or spouse can understand you and support you? Do you think they can ever really know what you're feeling and going through? How do you help them to understand things from your point of view? Do your friends and/or spouse seem interested in furthering the discussion? Do they read books, blogs, or otherwise educate themselves about adoption issues? Do you disagree about any of the fundamentals? Do you agree? Do you think that your relationship with that person has altered their view on adoption in general?

When my husband and I first started dating, adoption came up pretty quickly, not only because I'm an adoptee but because he was an adoptive parent. Over the years we've had many conversations about adoption, often helping each other see a different perspective.

We were already married and I was pregnant with our second child when I decided to search for my birth mother. Luckily, he was very open to the idea of even his own adopted children searching for their biological relatives, therefore he supported me completely. Without him in my corner, I don't know if I would have had the strength to go through with my search. He watched me wrestle with all the questions and emotions that came up along every step of my journey. He put up with my scouring the internet all night long while I was searching, then emailing constantly after I reunited with my birth parents. He held me when I cried. He listened patiently when I ranted. He pushed me when I needed to be pushed and comforted me when I felt raw. I'm lucky that he's pretty even-keeled emotionally, because I have been up and down and all around.

Even though I know he always supports me, there are still times when I realize even he doesn't completely understand how I feel or what I'm going through. It's not his fault. He's always known his biological family, so he's never experienced how it feels to not know. No matter how many times I explain to him how I have felt throughout my life, he will never be able to feel that way himself. But I keep explaining, because every time I do, I know it helps him relate to the scope of the loss I've experienced and helps him remember that the pain is still there.