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On June 1, 2018 Rebekah Henson published an important thread on Twitter critiquing the hashtags #FamiliesBelongTogether and #Ke...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Bitter Winds: In Memory


My First Mother, Norma Carol, was born on September 11th.

She gave birth to me as a young, unwed mother in 1968 when society frowned upon single mothers, and was one of the first to register with the ALMA Registry (Adoptee's Liberation Movement) looking for her "son".  She wasn't allowed to hold me, and had been told by the hospital staff and attorney after going through a difficult labor and c-section that she had given birth to a baby boy. 

Sadly, she died in 1980 from breast cancer, thinking she had a son who she told her family would some day "come back".   In truth, she actually had a daughter, who, indeed, did come back, 10 years too late to meet her (again) on this side of eternity. 

I still haven't been to obtain my own birth records from the hospital, even though I gave birth (at the same hospital) to a premature baby and need(ed) this important information for my own medical care during pregnancy.  Even with a court-order I am still waiting after several requests.

With my Mother's birthday on 9/11,  I have finally been able to grieve her passing and loss of my dream to know her.  I watch the Memorials and cry for those innocent victims at the Twin Towers.  And also for my Mother and the pain she endured during the Baby Scoop Era. 

It took years of slowly unthawing from the numbness I felt inside, the day I found my Grandmother and heard my own Mother's story.  She loved animals, the color purple, and advocating for women.  She even wrote a column for the Bartlesville newspaper in honor of Alice Paul. 

On my own birthday a few years ago I was driving alone listening to the radio, when a beautiful lullaby I had never heard came over the waves, immediately catching my attention.  It was Bette Midler singing "Baby of Mine" and the tears flowed again ~ but this time they were tears of acceptance. I could finally embrace the Love I knew my Mother had for me all along, and the strong connection we will always share. 

She is my Mother.  I miss her so much. 

I post this link to "Bitter Winds" in her memory.

What A Mess

Is this really my life now, seriously!? I know I have complained of boredom and things like that but never in a million years could ever have imagined this - think Twilight or the Hunger Games. But then add one more person. Did Scarlett O'Hara ever experience a similar thing, did Elizabeth Darcy or did Catherine Earnshaw... ? But wait, those are not real people - only known from their respective author's work or adaption.
Then what about Marylin Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor or Jackie Kennedy Onassis? (I know these three women are wellknown if not famous for their respective beauty- too me in this context they are included since they all have been real living women at one point, so I'm not trying to attempt to imply or compare me or my looks to theirs).

Maybe I'm underestimating myself I could be naive or maybe a little bit of both, it seems to be incredibly easy to make someone of the opposite sex believe that you like them. Again, I'm not convinced that could be explained by the agefactor or my supposed beauty. What I can say though is that at times it is very difficult even hard to try to be professional when you're constantly surrounded by males. Is an Asian girl really that special...!? I wonder if I would have recieved the same kind of attention had I been raised in Korea by my omma with my onnis... But that I can never know, not for sure...