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Adoption and Child Separation at the Border

On June 1, 2018 Rebekah Henson published an important thread on Twitter critiquing the hashtags #FamiliesBelongTogether and #Ke...

Friday, April 3, 2015

Dear Adoptive Parents: The Burden of Adoptee Loyalty





Dear Adoptive Parents,

I want you to listen. I want you to read this and truly consider it. For the sake of the ones you love and call your own.

You have no understanding of the burden of Adoptee Loyalty that your adopted child bears.

You do not realize that he will sacrifice his own feelings and desires for your sake--and that he does this subconsciously, because you also have no idea how easily, how quickly the unspoken thoughts and emotions inside of you, the silent and passive cues you communicate are internalized by your adopted child.

The burden of Adoptee Loyalty will compel your adopted child to remain silent on the things closest to her heart because she can sense these dark things scare you, make you uncomfortable, threaten you. 

She will say what she knows you want to hear--even if you’ve tried so hard to be open, because she can feel your heart shut the minute she tries to open the doors that you have forbidden. She can feel your fear and she will not pursue her own emotions for fear that she will hurt you with her emotions, for all the guilt inside of her that tells her she is wrong to feel anything but gratitude and happiness for being adopted by you.