In Whose Best Interest?

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Is it really true that interracial adoption always, always acts in the best interest of a child? I beg to differ. If that would be true I would like to believe that I wouldn't have been relinquished for adoption in the first place.

Pregnancy, childbearing and childbirth is not a basic human right and shouldn't be seen as one.

Recently, my friend was told that she probably would end up in constant problems with the authorities and social services if she decided to one day have a child.

Lessons in Whiteness: The Fragile Oppressor

It becomes increasingly difficult in the current sociopolitical environment to not feel acutely sentient of all that I have lost to Whiteness.

I read an article recently about Mike Vick criticizing Colin Kaepernick for his activism. Kaepernick happens to be a transracial, biracial adoptee, but nonetheless is perceived as Black. As a transracial adoptee, he was raised by White parents, and yet he has become an unapologetic activist for the rights of Black Americans and all people of color.

As I read the article, it dawned on me that I could relate to Kaepernick, not only as a transracial adoptee, but also as an activist--specifically, that my activism is in part a reclamation of my Asian identity and a reprehension of the Whiteness forced upon me.

As an Asian person adopted into White America, I spent the first 30+ years of my life erased by Whiteness. Drowned by Whiteness.

Found Daughter

My mother & I doing a Facebook Live event.

The woman who gave birth to me lives two miles down the road from my house. Ours is a fairly ordinary mother / adult daughter relationship. She is the one who picks up my kids when I can't do so, or checks in on the dog if I am out of town for the day. She helps me out with my direct sales business on occasion, and we get together for a movie or a meal when we can find the time. We don't see each other as often as we'd like because we both lead extremely busy lives, but we take comfort in knowing the other is nearby. All in all, our relationship is most remarkable in its unremarkableness.

Unremarkable, that is, except for the fact that we didn't see each other at all for the first 30 years of my life. We were separated on the day of my birth, and I was placed for adoption in another family.

I grew up happy yet broken. That may seem like a contradiction, but it isn't really. I grew up in a loving, stable family in a small town in a beautiful part of the country. I had friends. I did well enough in school and participated in extracurricular activities. I hit developmental milestones and seemed fine. But there was no acknowledgement that I had experienced profound loss. Not from others. Not from myself.

Official Apology & Clarification

I want to use this opportunity, to offer a sincere official apology, to first and foremost my fellow LD sisters. Second, I also apologize to readers, followers, associates, women, single mothers, the LBTQ community, and fellow adoptees. 

I did not want my post to be misinterpreted as it appears to have been. Occasionally the topic of same sex adoptions is brought up for official and political discussion. At the time I wrote (and published the original post) such debate was once again discussed in national media.

If anything my post, was meant as a societal reflection on the topic and not meant as a direct reflection of my personal opinion on said topic. I actually applaud every single mother out there, because parenting is never easy and once sexual orientation does not determine whether or not someone will be an ill-suited parent or not.

Believe it or not, but in terms of single adoptive parents I think there's a slight but not so insignificant difference. If you do, eventually end up raising your children as a single mother - then it is what it is. But when you consciously decide to pursue single parent adoption you already know you do so on your own. That and only that is the only difference - single mothers and single adoptive mothers either have to be very stubborn and determined or have a larger support network. It seems especially important if there is no present father figure , or for that matter a make role model around.