Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Lost Daughters Introduction

I am honored to be here and to be surrounded by not only so much talent, but so many fellow adoptees that I admire and respect. I began writing about my adoption experience almost immediately after finding the online (and offline) adoption community thirteen years ago. I have written poetry (past tense there is only so much rhyming you can do with adoption terminology) about my adoption experience. Writing continues to be a great source of catharsis and healing and just when I think I've said, written, and expressed everything I possibly could I find so much more that needs to be realized, acknowledged, and examined.

Writing was actually suggested to me by my marriage counselor, an adoptive mother, who had gone through the scope of questions and lack of answers she had available to her about her daughter's adoption. From my marriage counselor's experience with her adopted daughter I was encouraged to seek, search, and to try and get answers to the questions I had asked since I could remember knowing I was adopted. For the first time in my life, at age 38, I was validated that I had the right to know about my biological family. Not because of health reasons or the need for medical records but simply because I had that right. It was the impetus I needed to find out who I was, where I came from, and why I had been given up.

No one can ever be fully prepared for the depth of emotions you encounter when you began embark on the journey of adoption search and reunion (or no reunion). It is uncharted and treacherous territory even for the most secure and well adjusted adoptee. And, although there are numerous similarities in experiences in adoption, I have also discovered each is unique.

It's our sameness and our individuality in adoption that bring us together. And, although my story is not a happy one the ending is getting better and better. I may have lost two families, one I was adopted into that rejected me and the biological one that has rejected me, but I have gained the companionship, camaraderie, and fellowship, of a community of dedicated individuals working to change and educate the world to the realities of adoption. And finally, found a family that accepts me unconditionally.

For me adoption is comparable to a long, huge enigmatic math problem with too many variables and unknowns and chock full of subtraction, negatives, and inequalities. And we, as adoptees, are the ones that can offer the correct solutions.

Adoption Equations

They say that one and one makes two but I'm not sure if this is true.
In this case one and one made three explaining how I came to be.
Then three came in between the sum, divides them back to one and one.
These equations seem to break all the laws of give and take.
But life not always plays by rules, nor by facts we learned in school.
I know this all so very well, and only hope to "Show and Tell".
When one and one took separate paths that no one needs to do the math.
To know this story problem's mine.
I'm the remainder left behind.
Karen Brown Belanger



7 comments:

  1. Well said Karen. What should have been family has been torn apart. I too lost the adoptive family. I think they were lost before they got me... Born and taken into a world of slavery... found a birth mother that was just as bitter at the adoptive one.... found a lot of selfishness within them both.... what a mess that was dropped upon me... and did I ask for any of this? No. Just put there. Was this from God, no from sin. How do we get past all this, I don't think I ever will, just learning to live with all the past mistakes... and the world still turns....
    Holly - lifetime sentence to adoption

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  2. Hello, I'm a Swedish Korean adoptee. I wonder if I could add this blog to my blogroll?

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  3. To hear from someone, especially an adoptive mother, that you had the 'right' to search... just makes me want to hug her for you. Not a debate, just an 'of course you have the right, you're just an deserving as anyone else'... kind of feeling. I hope it felt as good as it sounded!

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  4. I look forward to reading more - thank you so much for sharing your story and experience with others!

    M.

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  5. I love your writing Linda, wonderful work there but at the same time I feel so scared reading about those feelings. It sends shivers down my spine.
    The poem was amazing ...

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  6. Oh Karen, you amaze me. Great post. I even tweeted it. As your friend, I applaud your courage and pray for you every day... (hug)

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  7. thanks to everyone for your supportive comments. I value all of your input. Trace just getting used to tweeting. :) Great way to share our knowledge and experience with the world and maybe one day there won't be a need for anyone to go through what we all have! :)

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