Friday, June 8, 2012

Nothing was going to stop me

I blog about American Indian Adoptees
Every now and then we must step back and see where we are. I look back and see I am a reunited adoptee, someone who took steps without support or help from anyone, including close friends. I went it alone.  If I did talk about my adoption search, it was obvious to them I was frustrated and most friends preferred small talk to my serious talk. They didn’t get what it means to not have your identity or ancestry. Some would shrug and say, why would you want to find the people who abandoned you?

When I found my natural mother’s home phone number, I asked a friend to call her for me - thinking someone not emotionally invested would be better since I was too nervous for words. That friend turned me down.

Another friend who had nurse training refused to help me make up a list of medical conditions to send to my birth mother’s family - I found my makeshift form recently and even in my turmoil, I did OK making up a medical survey by myself. That was the one thing my mother agreed to do, without ever meeting with me.

Finding out my birthmother had diabetes was a sign - I appreciated this knowledge. Knowing what killed my grandparents would be included in my medical history. I was grateful.

Back in those days I knew very few adoptees. I didn’t need encouragement - nothing was going to stop me from finding my mother, father and siblings. It took years and enough stories to fill a memoir, which I wrote.

Thankfully, today is different. This topic of adoption and finding your relatives has opened up and a blazing awareness has happened. I think it’s because of adoptees who blog openly about their lives. This blog Lost Daughters has taught me many good things. Thanks to all the brave adoptees who broke their silence.

No one should ever have to search for their mother or their families alone.

Trace A. DeMeyer blogs at