Tuesday, November 6, 2012

NaBloPoMo Day 6 - Taking a Break

Prompt: Have you ever taken a break from adoption related things such as blogs, forums, or groups? If so, how did it help you (if at all) and why did you come back? If not, what is the biggest draw for sticking around for long periods of time without a break?

From the Lost Daughters Contributors:

Anonymous - I've felt from time to time that I really needed to take a break from it. Last time was when I was in university trying to write a thesis about adoption. I came to a point where I thought, talked, dreamed, read and watched adoption-related things.

It felt like my mind was just being stuffed with heavy things which, although interesting, was very emotional to me. And well I guess I was partial in a sense.

Rebecca - This is tough one for me. I've only been blogging for a little over a year, and I haven't taken a break yet. I am thinking of taking a break from blogging but it's not because I want a break from adoption-related things; it's because I've started writing a novel and I'm starting to realize I'm never going to make any progress if I don't make it my primary writing focus.

Laura - I've only been blogging a little while as well. I think it would be more interesting to comment on how anyone has ever taken a break ... From their reunion, and why.

Amanda - I take breaks! I take breaks all the time!

Not really from blogging, perhaps just a week at a time if I do. My blog is my domain. It doesn't really cause me that much stress. Same with reunion. There is never an emotional cut-off, just periods of disengagement perhaps.

Rebecca - I take breaks, too. But they are very short. I'll say "I'm not going to look at any adoption related blogs/groups today." Sometimes I make it till noon!

Michelle - I've taken breaks from talking about adoption. I'm in contact with a lot of adoptive families. Sometimes I can engage and other times I just have to pull back out of sheer self-preservation.

Taking a Break from Our Birth Families

Dorothy - Are you kidding me? My entire childhood was one giant break. Although both of my parents encouraged and supported a reunion. I wanted no part. After the reunion, years ago, it took me half my lifetime to contact my natural father. So wish I would have done sooner. He understands me.
Absolutely, I have a very tough time integrating my adoption identity, or whatever we, as adoptees coin that part of us. I now have amazing siblings that are living far from me. They are loving, vulnerable and open. Even offered to buy me a plane ticket to meet them. But, I had to tell them that I could not handle the emotional disruption.

Recently, I met the natural father and siblings, and I am still sorting it all out. SO...although psychiatry will say integration is key to adoption healing, I say that the key is self healing. For what it's worth.

Laura - Zing! You’re right ... My entire childhood, too, was one big break from my birth mother! When we reunited, we were frantic to play catch-up for the last twenty-three years.

Now that I’m an adult with my own children, I think I’ve matured a bit. I don’t talk to my a-mom every day. I no longer need to tell my b-mom every single tiny detail of my life.  

Rebecca - Thanks for your comments, Dorothy. You've given me a new way to think about "break." I did something similar. My reunion with my b-mom's family was amazing but also completely overwhelming. It was another fifteen years before I was ready to do it again. I'm just now getting to know b-dad now.

Dorothy Sands - Adoptee time is altogether different than non-adoption time. It is like a vortex.


Cathy - Rebecca, I relate to your comment about it being a long time before you were ready to do it again. I feel that way about every part of reunion, even after all this time.

Each time there's something new, someone new to meet, I think, "here I go again..."

I've taken breaks. My b-mom and I actually did therapy together after we got to a dark place after the honeymoon phase. At one point, the therapist had told Kate to back off and not contact me at all. We would only see each other in therapy. And once I wasn't being pursued by her, I was comfortable approaching her again at a new level.

Thanks to the Lost Daughters contributors, Anonymous, Rebecca, Laura, Amanda, Michelle, Dorothy Sands, and and Cathy.

Image from freedigitalphotos.net, post compiled by Laura Dennis