Thursday, May 30, 2013

Wedding Planning and Relationships: Oh My!

Relationships are hard.  Really really hard.  You have take two people who want very different things and try to make something work out of it.  It's hard.  It takes a lot of guts, a lot of sweat, and possibly some tears.  And sometimes you end up with something amazing.  Other times, not so much.  And that's just two people.  Add in a third.  Things get a lot harder.  Then a fourth.  And eventually, see what you can do about family dynamics.  It's enough to make my head spin sometimes.

You know what else is hard?  Planning a wedding.  You have the church, the reception venue, the dress, the invitations, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, and don't forget the marriage preparation course!  You get to plan a fun honeymoon but it feels like you'll NEVER get there.  There are a hundred questions that need to be answered RIGHT NOW and don't even THINK about changing your mind.  Do you want white linens or colored linens?  Cake topper, flowers, or nothing?  What about a guest book?  And whatever you do, DO NOT get sucked into Pinterest.  It's a black pit of DIY h-e-double-hockey-sticks.  Just don't.  For a fun DIY look, without the glue gun burns and desperation, check out Etsy.com.  Two non-burned thumbs WAY up!

So we have relationships, which are hard, and we have wedding planning, which can be a headache in itself.  Now blend the two together for some real fun!  And make the bride adopted.  Better yet, make her a reunited adoptee with two sisters she desperately wants at her wedding with an adoptive family slightly less receptive to that idea and natural parents who may not be 100% on board with that either.  What. A. Mess.  Why not just have the whole natural family to make things easier?  It's a simple concept.  It really shouldn't be that difficult.  But with adoptive families not cooperating, and natural mothers (and fathers) who aren't ready to come out of the closet, it makes for an interesting puzzle.


On one side of the scale is what the bride and groom want, which at this point is for there to just be no drama.  No yelling about anything.  Nobody getting upset over silly things like centerpieces.  And a calm reminder that it's about two people starting a life together.  Because really, that's what it's supposed to be all about. On the other side is what everyone else wants.  Because the second you invite other people to share in your day, it becomes about them as well.  And while the idea of just doing what you want and everyone else be damned, it's probably not a good idea to invite drama and end up with people screaming at each other on the middle of the dance floor.  Mix fairly reasonable (though emotional) people with alcohol and a little bit of drama and you have potential for some major fireworks.  And for added fun, make it a boat where people physically can't get off unless they feel like swimming through Boston Harbor.  Probably not the most well thought out idea.  It's a fine balancing act.  Tip the scale just a little bit too far in one direction and the whole house of cards could come crashing down!

Such is my life these days.  And we will get there.  It feels like we've been planning this wedding forever. We're closing in on the 100 days left mark, so things are starting to get very real.  And nearly daily I have conversations with people about how it really doesn't matter what shoes my mother is wearing, and if so and so can't make it we'll miss them but the show must go on.  And nearly daily we avoid the giant elephant in the room that is the fact that my sisters are on the guest list and my natural parents are not.

And really when it comes down to it, I will be married to my best friend at the end of the day.  He may not get 100% why this is such a big deal to me ("I sort of get why you want your sisters there, but wouldn't it just be easier if they weren't?") but he tries.  Really hard.  And when he gets told "They are my sisters.  Here's an idea.  Your brother doesn't really need to be invited right?", he very wisely agrees with me and we move on to other things.  Like cake toppers. ;-) 

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