Thursday, June 13, 2013

Lost Mothers and Fathers

Got past Mother's Day going to get past Father's Day too.  Being adopted you never really in totality get past the loss and pain.  Especially when you are rejected by two families.

I spoke with my adoptive mother today regarding contact from a relative concerning a passing in our family.  We've never done well with communication or understanding one another since I am usually the odd woman/person out in the family.  Never accepted for who I am, nor will I ever be.  I am the polar opposite of my adoptive family.  That I came to terms with long, long ago.  The rejection, not so easy.

But today our phone conversation was much different.  I didn't hear the critical, nagging, judgmental woman my adoptive mother is, I heard instead someone I didn't know.  Or more accurately, someone who didn't know me.  Sure, neither of us are young anymore I am nearly 54 she is 84.  However, hearing the words "You are Karen?  I don't remember.....we haven't seen you in a long time."

Well, last time in person was 5 years ago.  But also, there are no visits from her, phone calls, or attempts to establish a relationship nor will there ever be.  I didn't turn out to be the child they wanted.  They had a biological one thankfully who is.  You can blame age, dementia, or Alzheimers but the fact is in our adoptive family circumstance it's always been about people who are nothing alike jammed together by the adoption machine and an attempted "family" equation that failed.

My own biological mother rejected me 15 years ago.  I am a secret child and my siblings don't know about my existence.  Contact and info was rejected by my biological father as well.   I belong in neither family.

I don't want anyone to die or me to die being bitter, angry, or resentful.  What I do what is RECOGNITION.  I also know, none of that may ever happen.

How do adoptees accept the continual rejection of adoptive and biological parents?  I am nearly 54 and still working on it.  I hate to admit it but I am lost, and always will be.