What A Mess

Is this really my life now, seriously!? I know I have complained of boredom and things like that but never in a million years could ever have imagined this - think Twilight or the Hunger Games. But then add one more person. Did Scarlett O'Hara ever experience a similar thing, did Elizabeth Darcy or did Catherine Earnshaw... ? But wait, those are not real people - only known from their respective author's work or adaption.

Then what about Marylin Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor or Jackie Kennedy Onassis? (I know these three women are wellknown if not famous for their respective beauty- too me in this context they are included since they all have been real living women at one point, so I'm not trying to attempt to imply or compare me or my looks to theirs).

Maybe I'm underestimating myself I could be naive or maybe a little bit of both, it seems to be incredibly easy to make someone of the opposite sex believe that you like them. Again, I'm not convinced that could be explained by the agefactor or my supposed beauty. What I can say though is that at times it is very difficult even hard to try to be professional when you're constantly surrounded by males. Is an Asian girl really that special...!? I wonder if I would have recieved the same kind of attention had I been raised in Korea by my omma with my onnis... But that I can never know, not for sure...

Sometimes, truthfully speaking I wish had different genes or at least that I didn't produce that kind of reaction and attention from the opposite sex. Yeah, I suppose you could say that I curse my Korean genes and if a girl is supposed to recieve her supposed good looks from her mother, then I curse my mother's beauty too... Unfortunately and sadly, and I really wish it wasn't so...


What's more is that it has become a bit difficult to try to do my job, when I can't tell a certain someone that they could be the reason why I would be sacked. What should I do in order to keep my work, attempt a personality change. Is it possible for me to keep my work without hurting anyone else or the one I really don't want to hurt but that I have to hurt - at least at work... both by actions and by word.

Because of the attention from the opposite sex and especially two males; I sadly, don't feel secure and comfortable at work. I can't do everything that I'm supposed to do on a daily basis without feeling scared and not wanting to be alone since I might run into either one of them. Also I'm all too aware how this post my come of - in no way shape or form am I trying to imply or brag about my current situation, if you never have experienced this then be relieved and happy that you havn't because it's not a walk in the park. Even if it might come of as that for some people. It might also come of as a luxuary problem or a industralized/Western world problem - take your pick.