Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Making Bounderies and Keeping Them

I think I'm finally on to something life altering you could even say I have experienced another epiphany of sorts. As an adult or more so adult adoptee I've had people trying to give me advice or even instructions from time to time. I especially recall many different situations with a similar or repeating pattern.

People who are close to me, relatives, close friends and immediate family has tried to brush my feelings aside, I'm to sensitive or need to re-adjust. Since I have felt really lonely for the large part of my rather short life I developed a behavioral pattern which is triggered in certain situations. (I won't go in to that now, for personal reasons).

Because I felt ignored, unimportant and what more, all I honestly wanted was for someone to see me and if not help me at least show that they cared. Yet I was forced to spend time in a toxic environment that at least (appeared to be dangerous to me), based on personal experience. All I really wanted was to flee; escape and run away. My body told me this, I could feel it in my heart and in the very essence of my soul... I got what I wanted in the end. Now I realize this situation is very likely to reappear again if I don't learn to set bounderies.

Yet how can you make people listen and take you seriously if they don't seem to respect you !? What should one do when no one seems to care or see you and what's happening. There's one thing people never can say is wrong and that would be your own feelings. There is only one person in the entire universe who knows exactly how you are feeling or what and how you think. Your feelings can never be either right or wrong your feelings are yours and yours only.

Honestly speaking I thought I already had established my own personal protection, what you would call personal bounderies I suppose. Yet it now appears I had none the only thing I seem to have instead of personal bounderies are huge walls. These walls have been useful to prevent people to get close to me, made it difficult and near impossible to get to know the real me.