Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Didn't Think Adoption Was THAT Bad Until...

-        I learned that something really bad changed in my maternal source after she ‘went away’
-        I learned that my biological father DID want me and tried to keep me
-        I found out that my paternal grandmother wanted me and tried to keep me
-        I realized that the secret of my existence created walls and pain throughout my biological family – both sides
-        I realized that my maternal ½ sisters were so poisoned against me that they won’t even acknowledge me
-        I realized that forcing me away again and again was easier for maternal source than ever looking in my eyes
-        I realized that my first few months of life, I was in limbo – neither here nor there, belonging nowhere
-        I found out that there was extended family willing to take me in
-        I found out that there is a long history of teenage pregnancy in my bio-families, yet I was the only one who was adopted out to strangers
-        I realized that I’ll never fit in
-        I found out that giving away a child is a life-changing experience that affects not only the maternal source, but deep into extended family
-        I found family members were deceased before I was ever able to meet them
-        I realized that my sisters had to grow up with me as a ghost
Elaine Penn