Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Still Lost

The world seems gray, my soul is blue.
I hid it well, you never knew.
My smile was thin and waned quite fast.
You turned away my fate was cast.
The God's of hope they've passed me by.
This deep lament, I can't deny.
Without a word, without a sound.
I stand here lost, and never found.

Fourth adoption court petition denied after 14 years of requesting identifying information along with request for contact with my biological parents.  I am 53 years old and still have no names, no cities, no states, and pretty much no information worth anything for searchers to use to find anyone in my biological family.  Tracks were covered very well obviously so the truth about my biological family would never be discovered.  I am beginning to believe my natural parents will die with the secret that I exist, and I will never be able to find my siblings I have been told I have somewhere out there.

I'll never stop searching.  I don't think I would know how anyway.  Three more years until I can petition the court again, and I will.  Just to keep knocking on that invisible door to somewhere that I come from.

My heritage has been my grounding, and it has brought me peace. ~ Maureen O'Hara

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