Sunday, February 10, 2013

Reminders of Loss

Hooded sorrow (Wikimedia Commons)
By Jaesun

What can be more definite than the actual death of someone...

Once that happens no matter how old or for what reason, you will always start to feel greif.  Perhaps not as long every time but still, you will grieve or experience some kind of loss.

If you were to ask me I would say that there are different kinds of losses that produce different kinds of grief.  Such as death, adoption separation, and the end of a friendship or relationship. Now that 2013 has begun, I have experienced each of those three different losses. Death I have encountered more than once having a maternal family of many aunts, none of whom still are alive today.

Adoption separation, yes I have experienced this.  In my opinion, adoption separation (not loss from or by adoption) can be equally painful as death. The separation caused by adoption can mean that the adoptee will gain a totally different life when legally separated from their biological roots. That kind of forced separation may also, generally speaking, (although there are exceptions) mean that they may grieve or encounter reminders of opportunities with their birth family that will be almost impossible to regain.

Trust me, I have tried that and that process was anything but pretty.

Lastly there is separation that often times is planned, shared, and agreed upon.  But of course it doesn't have to be. We all have experienced some kind of heartache from love or maybe even undisclosed love.  Even though these people may live on even after sad farewells the pain from such heartache can be very difficult and sad. Just as the end of near and dear friendship can come as a shock especially if you realize that the reasons for becoming friends no longer exist or that you have developed into two different individuals that no longer have something in common that may even struggle to understand each other.

Regardless of what you might be grieving or why, there should be no guilt feelings or shamefulness associated with grief.