I'm not an adoptee anymore.
I've decided to just
move on in my life. I will not allow it to affect my life any longer.
I've been contemplating what so many AP's, fellow adoptees, and others
have continued to express to me either on my blog or via email or in
person: I just need to focus on the "good" that adoption has done in my
life and stop getting "stuck in the negative."
didn't I recognize this previously? Duh, right? Why has it taken me so
long to come to this realization, right? Just let it all go, put on a
smile, and coast through all the syrupy sweetness of life. Forget
everything else. The grief, the hardship, the daily reminders of the
pain and loss? Yes, just leave it all behind. My Omma, my Appa--their
pain, regret and sorrows--just let it wash away. Don't let it trouble
me. The complexity of it all? Just simplify. Cut out all the sadness and
longing, the division, the tension, the conflict, and hold onto only
that which makes me feel good and giddy. Of course, why didn't I think
of this before?!
And all of you who have so long wished
that I would just snap out of it and stop talking about all the hard
stuff and move onto the gooey goodness, so that your adopted children
have an ideal adult adoptee role model to admire, well, guess what? I'm
your girl! (Posters will soon be available.)
Ok. By now, most of you have picked up on the sarcasm, especially with that last parenthetical statement.
there's a point to it all. It's not just for joking's sake. And the
point is in the opening statement: I'm not an adoptee anymore.
order to do what I just expressed above, I would have to stop being an
adoptee. And of course, that's impossible. You might as well ask me to
stop being Korean. I can try--dye my hair blonde, wear blue contact
lenses, get plastic surgery on my nose and eyes, get some boob implants,
etc., etc. Although after all that, I might not look as Korean, I
nonetheless do not cease being Korean--the DNA is still ever present.
an adoptee may not be in the DNA, but it might as well be, because the
effects of being adopted are just as pervasive and irrevocable.
honestly, I'm having one of those weeks, the kind that I seem to have
every other month or so, when I want to stop being an adoptee. Of
course, I can't actually stop being an adoptee. But I often have strong urges to sever myself from the adoption community and go on my merry way.
Obviously, I will always be an adoptee. And my life will always be affected by it.
I do wish I could go incognito. Adoptee Relocation Program, anyone? Oh
wait, that's how the whole mess began. And unfortunately, unlike what so
many folks seem to want to believe, it can't be undone with teachings
on gratitude and love, or by flipping some mental switch.