Monday, August 26, 2013

Guest Post: Some Adoptee Declarations

By Guest Blogger: Sara Knight

Common Things People Say to Adoptees That Should Never be Said:

“So, do you know who your REAL parents are?"

“Do you know why you were given away?”

“Do you cry every time you think about it?”

“Do you know what happened to your real parents?” 

“You should be forever grateful to your family for taking you in.”

"You would crush your parents, I am sure if you ever tried to find your “real” family."

“Oh I heard one time about this girl who found her “real” mother and it was the worst experience ever; she had a nervous breakdown.”

“Sometimes is it better not to know, the truth could destroy you.”

“You would be so selfish to ever want to look. Think of your parents!”

“Blood is thicker than water. Except that this doesn’t apply to you…” 

"You could have been anyone, maybe even the child of someone rich and famous.  But you’re here just plain old you.”

“Nothing about your past matters; my ancestors are your ancestors now.” 

“Family Medical History? Oh well that doesn’t apply to you; that’s a shame.”

“Do you want to find your real mother?”

“You were chosen.”
“You are special”
“You were a gift.”

“Your parents threw you away because you are broken goods.”

“You were a mistake.”

“You must have ruined your real mother’s life by being born.”

“But you look like….” 

“What’s the difference, who cares? Why do you care, think of YOUR parents feelings?"

"So, did your looking for your birth parents crush your adoptive parents?

“Don’t you think you are being about self absorbed and selfish?”

Things Adoptees May Believe About Themselves:

We are a mystery

We are a gift

We were chosen

We are special

We are garbage

We were thrown away, damaged goods

Something must be wrong with us

We were outright rejected, not wanted

And, We are a mystery…

Each discovery of a skill or talent is a clue to who we are and the people we came from

We often have no idea what our medical history 

My personality is so different from everyone in my family

Who am I?

We could be anyone, have lived a million different lives, but were given this one to live. Why? What was the meaning?

We look into the faces of strangers wherever we go, always searching for resemblances of others. Who do we look like?

When someone says: “You look just like someone else I know…”   “Who? Who? I have to see what they look like right now!” is how we respond.

We wonder why we are not allowed to know. 

Why is the truth so terrible?

Why is this information being kept from me?

Why can some clerk in a state office somewhere go and look at my file right now and see the information directly relating to me, but it is being kept from me?

We hope and pray that there is someone out there also hoping and praying and thinking about us as well.

We might look up at the moon on a clear night and ask our birthparent in our prayers that they too might be looking up and think of us; perhaps our gaze might meet on the moon if only for a moment.

Adoptees want to know and deserve to know the truth.