Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Seeing Through Adoption's Spectacles

I find it both ironic and disturbing that my new found enlightenment, understanding and unionship, isn't recognized by society at large. Maybe it's true that my adoption has shaped me and my outlook on the world, it may be only black and white. Of course I realize and am aware of the fact that there are areas of grey shades in between.

Being bullied as a child might have made me super-sensitive, with a rather short fuse and at times a rancorous mind. To see the world through adoption spectacles means that you only focus on the black and the white colours and shades even though there are a large rainbow of other colours too.

I don't want to compromise on something as important to me, it seems the challenge for me now is to balance my knowledge, wisdom and experience on adoption related things without having to completely abandon my new found wisdom for a life of assimilation and adjustment.

But really why should I have to make the compromises, why is it me that is feeling society's pressure?  Why should I be questioned; why can't it be considered normal to want keep your birth family in your life? Who are they to question my decisions and my choices to live my life!? It's my life and honestly speaking should someone really try to force me to make a choice between Sweden or Korea or rather my Swedish family or my birth family?  I know what I'd choose in a heartbeat without blinking - hopefully nobody would really try to force me to make such a big decision.

 The answer will hurt more than it will help, I know that. If you haven't had the opportunity to grow up alongside another adult inter-country adoptee, then I'm certain you cannot possibly understand my viewpoint, feelings, or decisions. Yes I admit, I might be just as obvious as an open book.

Don't judge me or question me if you honestly don't know or understand what life as an adult adoptee might be like. Or maybe the threat is the fact that I've been able to be to meet my birth family, or maybe it's the fact that my love for all of them is and always has been reciprocated as well as unrequited and never questioned-- although that doesn't make sense to a lot of people. Then, why should my choices and decisions necessarily have to be made based on logic when life as an adoptee is anything but logical!? It might be true that I don't know my birth family, but my heart has never forgotten-- it has always hoped to one day be reunited. They may be strangers for me now in this life--but in my heart there are found memories of what should have been. I am going to make it my life mission to make what should have been come true...