Prompt: Adoptive parents are sharing the Adoptive Family Public Service Announcement video in droves. After wading through the hundreds of comments they all seem to emote a collective "me, too!" or "I get that comment all the time!" The adult adoptees that make up The Lost Daughters had a round table discussion about the video and our comments deviate a bit from the ever present internet groupthink mentality. Take a peek into a conversation amongst a diverse group of adult adoptees. As adoptees in their adulthood struggle to be heard, perhaps you can imagine us as your adopted child in ten, fifteen, twenty years? Perhaps these are their future thoughts?
Angela: Regarding the infertility quip, he made it clear that when asking a question that may point directly to the adoptive parent ("did you adopt because of infertility?") that this is an out of bounds question - his reply "that's none of your business." But questions about my daughter? Here are some suggested ways you ask. See the irony there? Again, it's the refusal to consult adoptees as we apparently are always silent, abiding, "adorable," babies.
The crux of the matter so often is that we are not seen as the ones most affected by adoption. Rather than being considered, let alone being the focal point -- we are simply expected to be grateful. Many will say we just "can't take a joke" or "need to lighten up." But...this video clearly isn't meant as a joke, although it contains humor, it is designed with a very strong message, one that is resonating with many people -- mostly adoptive parent's. No doubt we will be accused of not being able to take a joke, being ungrateful for our adoptions, and being among those adoptees whose adoption situations are rare or "just didn't work out." Ummmmmmm, no.
Angela: The use of humor is evident and definitely works to the advantage for garnering wide interest in tough topics. It's just not as easily recognized that adoptees are all too often the silent and invisible focus point of the "joke.'
Lynn: The first thing that screams out to me is sexism. Adoption aside, I cannot imagine this would be seen as funny if a woman was staring at a man's private area asking these ridiculous questions.
Angela: "I've never thought about how an adopted person might feel about this." Ouch!
Julie J: Some comments have asked why Adoptive parent's are so sensitive, to which the pastor replies, "“The truth is, we’re not being sensitive for us. It doesn’t hurt my feelings — I’m trying to be incredibly protective of my daughter who doesn’t understand [the comments] yet. But at one point, she will and the last thing I want her to feel is that she is a lesser member of my family,”
Angela: I have no doubt why people found this video to be funny, but now that you've learned some thoughts from adoptees, can you watch the video again from the perspective of an adoptee and understand how we may feel a bit irked? And for the record - we are able to take a joke.