Saturday, January 2, 2016

Customer's Complaint on Placed Order 1 Object Mum

If I only got to wish one thing from my mum, this is what I'd wish for-instead of searching for confirmation and attention to please her own fragile ego I'd wish she'd use at least some of that time on me. At least trying to convince me that I haven't failed her as a daughter and that she doesn't require me to be a picture perfect daughter. But I know she may never be able to take that responsibility. She's still so very insecure in herself, and very sensitive. The first word I'd use to describe her would be perfectionist. Don't get me wrong I do love my mum a lot and during certain circumstances I believe she did the best she could.

Part of why I'd say that the adoptive parents as well as the birth parents both needs to be better educated when it comes to (transracial) adoption is based on my own experiences. That's also why I'd say that not every couple would make good parents and why not everyone that seeks to parent from adoption should. Some people may just not be fully aware of exactly what it means--what is expected of them and what the adoptee should request.

Any person just isn't suitable to parent (which could be due to many different circumstances) I do also know that there are other adult adoptees that have had it far worse than I have. Personally speaking, I'm trying to say that I'd wish for another mum or a new mum. I do love my mum, I just wish future prospective parents would receive better education so they may be fully prepared for what may come and what to expect along the line. Some prospective adoptive parents may not be suitable and should not be allowed to parent through adoption without a proper social support from friends, family and health care.

I have never shared this part about my life with anyone---this is the first time. My mum begun to mention suicide and death when I was in my early teens. Up until that point in my life she never had before, I reacted to this by slowly distancing myself from her instead seeking support from my dad. I never mentioned this to my parents before, I don't think I realized exactly how much it may have impacted my life and influenced me... I hate to admit it but I may be more alike my mum than I would like to admit perhaps even just like her. Children learn what parents do ---they don't do as adults tell them to do instead they do what they do. 

Is it really difficult to understand why I might suffer from low self worth not low self esteem, there's a major difference here. I was abandoned by my birth parents at birth, placed in the hands of strangers that I never knew or met before, fearing that the only mum I never knew might leave me because I for some reason wasn't able to confirm her perception as (a perfect daughter to a perfect woman in a perfect family.)

I'm not a trained  psychologist therefore I can only speculate in what ways this may have impacted my life and by doing so also influenced me.

Maybe there were no indications that my mum's mental health might be to fragile and deteriorate years later... But maternal relatives have been diagnosed with schizophrenia--something my mum presently began to imply that I may suffer from. I am not worried that I may have it since I don't share the same genetics as any of my parents. I just see this as another attempt from my mum to get confirmation to boost her own ego and by giving me a convenient label she's once again free of guilt.

I can't help but to feel betrayed by the only person who are supposed to be a newborn's rock, safe heaven and offer love in the same unconditional love while also receiving plenty in return. For adoptees the birth parents' healthcare history usually are the main reason for wanting to find information about their birth parents and possibly reunite with them. But I'd also say that the prospective adoptive parents health care history should be more detailed. Especially important is the indication of mental illnesses on both sides (both potential mother as well the potential father).

I honestly thought this circus was over but I was to be mistaken not too long ago mum once again tried to ask me how I was managing keeping my own household, I have lived alone twice. The first was time was when I entered University and second time was when I moved back home after finishing college. First time mum brought it up she threatened to put me in a group home without my consent , in fact you forgot mum I am a legal adult now. Going back to my early teens mum was especially easily influenced by health scare rapports of toxic food and as soon as a new item appeared it was no longer allowed inside our home. She was and still is the same way when she watches certain shows on TV and she is hypersensitive to certain things having seen how you should handle a hoarder which she learned on TV. Furthermore she has also watched my eating and my weight because it is not good for a young girl to be overweight therefore I was not allowed to eat even if I was hungry. I  also used to starve myself too the point that I now have a very unhealthy relationship to food. My relationship with my mum is extremely fragile and seems to be recovering or being manageable until she throws another of her hissy-fits at me. This may be the final straw for my relationship with my mum I am not sure how much more this relationship can survive. How much more am I supposed to take...

I have an unhealthy relationship with mum, because it never was a relationship I wanted or even needed. I learned to almost love her at the expense of my natural family. For that reason I simply refuse to love her unconditionally when I know what I was forced to leave behind. My new mum lost nothing she was at the recieving end all she ever experienced was the joy of motherhood which in this case meant raising someone else's daughter.

To many innocent adoptees have fallen victims to violence or even worse by their own parents many which have died too young... It should not be accepted of APs to treat your adopted children as you please and than think the fact that they're adopted means that it would be less serious. If you ask me it's the opposite--- parenting from adoption is a life long commitment which shouldn't be taken lightly.

Yet my mum is my mum and I would not trade her for anything in the world despite everything we have managed to rebuild a strong and close relationship. Because I'm an adult now I consider my mum more of a close friend than I do see her as a mother. Which could be only natural and as it should be. I do love you mum.