Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Official Apology & Clarification

I want to use this opportunity, to offer a sincere official apology, to first and foremost my fellow LD sisters. Second, I also apologize to readers, followers, associates, women, single mothers, the LBTQ community, and fellow adoptees. 

I did not want my post to be misinterpreted as it appears to have been. Occasionally the topic of same sex adoptions is brought up for official and political discussion. At the time I wrote (and published the original post) such debate was once again discussed in national media.

If anything my post, was meant as a societal reflection on the topic and not meant as a direct reflection of my personal opinion on said topic. I actually applaud every single mother out there, because parenting is never easy and once sexual orientation does not determine whether or not someone will be an ill-suited parent or not.

Believe it or not, but in terms of single adoptive parents I think there's a slight but not so insignificant difference. If you do, eventually end up raising your children as a single mother - then it is what it is. But when you consciously decide to pursue single parent adoption you already know you do so on your own. That and only that is the only difference - single mothers and single adoptive mothers either have to be very stubborn and determined or have a larger support network. It seems especially important if there is no present father figure , or for that matter a make role model around.  



Of course, a single (adoptive) mother can be the best mother for her children - even without a support network. But too me that seems like a too heavy burden to carry on your own, one I would not recommend - but not be opposed to (if someone is very determined that is.)

So no, I don't and never have believed single parents automatically are worse parents than other parents. What I do think, however is that it perhaps isn't wise to bring an innocent child into a dysfunctional family. Single parent households, aren't automatically dysfunctional - they can be, but dysfunctional families can exist in stereotypical family constellations too.

Speaking of same sex adoptions, I personally (actually), (have no problem with it.) Its the 21st century- after all, family constellations are no longer man, woman and child. It can be two men, or two women, or two men, one woman and children, or even two men, two women and children. What's remarkable and perhaps, frustrating is that most countries of foreign adoptions used to be very strict with prospective parents sexual orientation.

Therefore it used to be more challenging for a European same sex couple to apply for overseas adoption. Even though most European countries are in the liberal forefront, the countries that send children for adoption, could have laws against homosexuality. The very reason why China stopped adoptions to Sweden, out of fear that the prospective single mothers could be living as lesbians.

Does this mean there are no gay (adoptiveparents in Europe?

Well, the ones who wants to raise a family eventually do so. But they usually have to enlist the help of female friend, or a lesbian couple agree to raise and share responsibility of future children with another homosexual couple.

Requited love (and even unrequited love too done extent) are the greatest thing existing on this earth. It should be irrelevant if there are requited love between two or more people. If you ask me what I honestly believe then I'd say that love in its purest form should be celebrated, accepted and respected.

I want to stress, yet again that it isn't someone's sexual orientation that automatically makes them a bad parent. No more than, a single woman's decision to pursue motherhood alone. Society is actually very fast to judge anyone that doesn't adhere to the usual accepted norm. Being a same sex couple, or a single mother usually means they have to endure much criticism from all corners of society.

Not every individual, makes a good parent - to be an adoptive parent is actually an even greater responsibility one should not take unless you are well prepared (not that you really can prepare for it) but try to do your best. Don't start a family - by biology, law, adoption or otherwise - thinking that child will solve all preexisting problems automatically. That usually never works - it may temporarily do so but not in the long run.

I want to use my voice, to advocate for the innocent children - who usually rarely have a voice (in matters that concerns adoption. This time, I recognize and realize that by siding with and for the children, I automatically and unintentionally probably not only alienated - but offended and spread 
the very same prejudices about single adoptive parents as well as prospective same sex couples (wishing to adopt), thereby insulting the entire LBTQ community. This is what should have been added and edited into my monthly post, but unfortunately never was. For that I am forever sorry and regret. I know that once something is posted online it will be there forever. I made a huge mistake, and for that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I am well aware of the fact, that it is to be considered a great privilege to be granted permission to write on this site. If this is to be my last post on Lost Daughters, then so be it. It is a decision, I leave in the hands of the LD founder and the remaining fellow Lost Daughters. I understand - but please do not punish Lost Daughters or any of my fellow LD sisters (for something that I previously expressed in my monthly posts.) If anyone should be punished or forced to take the consequences let me do so alone. 

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